I woke up in the middle of the night last night crying. I had a bad dream that my mom died. Morbid, no? I was so so sad. It probably didn't help that I went to bed sad either.
These past couple weeks I've been struggling to control my feelings for someone...yes, a boy. It's SO ridiculous. I have never ever NOT been able to stop liking someone as soon as I make that decision, so for me to still be trying to get over it is beyond any of my explanations. Although, I have a few thoughts as to why this is happening. The first and MAIN reason is because Satan is trying to get me down. It's true! My dad told me a few weeks ago that I should be really careful because Satan is going to unleash something at me that will throw me off, because I am about to serve a mission. I couldn't think of anything that I could get involved in or do that would be that bad. Well, this is it. I am in NO way saying that my friend is sent from Satan, because that's not true in ANY sense. He's definitely a blessing in my life, and part of a big lesson that I am having to learn. Am I making sense? I sure hope so.
The situation is this: I'm friends with this boy and I guess we liked eachother at one point...but we both realized that it would be kind of pointless for anything to happen because I'm going on a mission. WELL....enter Satan manipulating my thoughts and trying to get me to be jealous and angry. He has succeeded at times, but I've always been able to say a prayer and get over it quickly. That's something I'm struggling with today. This boy does things that are unintentional, because I would HOPE he would never try to hurt me, but it still stings SO bad. WHY?! I hate feeling like this and I don't know how to get it to go away.
I just needed a place to put my thoughts for right now. I am happy. My life is good, I could make improvements but that's what life is about. Improving ourselves over and over and over again. I'm greatful for this experience to teach me a lesson in knowing you can control someone else and it IS possible to control my own thoughts. I am learning to let things roll off my back, but...I also and trying to learn when it is a good time to tell someone something that could prevent me feeling like this again. I honestly think my cure will be going on my mission. I have just less than 5 weeks. I am excited and nervous and anxious and sad and happy all at the same time. :)
Okay, that's enough. I hope your week has been great and wish you a wonderful weekend.
-Lauren
Friday, November 16, 2007
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3 comments:
lauren. I'm just so sorry. it really makes me sad to hear you feeling this way, and i completely understand. IT is by NO MEANS easy to get over a boy you like... trust me- i know.
The honest truth of the matter is that he has no idea what he's missing, whether you're going on a mission or not, and I can't believe how strong you've been.
Seriously- i love you so much.
I went to Temple Square this weekend and thought of you. I can't wait til I can pop in and surprise you and see you for the first time in years.
LAUREN RASS.
i can COMPLETELY and TOTALLY relate. when Paul and I were going through the temple together, like a month it all happened, Satan was hitting us super hard like every other day. it was so hard to keep the Spirit in our home and try to not bicker the whole time. it was ridiculous. but look at where we're at now, we've gone through the temple, we're sealed, and we're happy. we know that if it wasn't for those hard times, we wouldn't be the people we are now, and we are so much closer and have brought Heavenly Father into our relationship in a whole other light. i know it sounds all churchy and everything, but it's so true. and i know that you are going to do great on your mission and that everything will work out WONDERFULLY!! i (and we) are so extremely excited for you!!! Love you a whole lot! lata homes. :)
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